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STARLET OF THE WEEK (YEAR AND CENTURY): CAROL LYNLEY

Most film buffs remember pretty blonde actress Carol Lynley from The Poseidon Adventure (1972) where she played terrified pop singer Nonnie Parry. This role typecast Carol, with her long golden locks, as the waif-like hippie flower child for most filmgoers.

But for me Carol looked her best with her hair coiffured into the signature Vidal Sassoon hair bob (think Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby) playing against type in two forgetable but-oh-so-fun movies in 1970.

Once You Kiss a Stranger was a camp remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s Strangers on a Train that pulled a sport and sex switch on the Master. Carol, looking terrific, rolls her eyes as a deranged mini-skirted miss who seduces a dullard married golf pro Paul Burke, and they make a pact to off their adversaries. Burke thinks it is a joke but when Lynley runs his rival over with a golf cart and clubs him to death framing him, the sap sobers up and wants out of the deal. Lynley may be nuts but she is no dummy and has videotaped their lovemaking and conversation and demands he off her shrink or she’ll release the edited tape to the cops. (This was quite ahead of its time for 1970!) The film climaxes on the beach with cuckoo Lynley in full Psycho mode as she attempts to run over frumpy Martha Hyer as Burke’s wife with a dune buggy!

Norwood reunited True Grit stars Glen Campbell and Kim Darby and surrounded them with a eclectic supporting cast including Joe Namath, Lynley, Dom DeLuise, Fantasy Femme Tisha Sterling, and Meredith MacRae.

Carol plays Yvonne Philips a Southern vixen who accompanies Campbell as naive G.I. Norwood on a road trip to deliver two new cars to a dealership in the Big Apple. Lynley is only on screen for 10 minutes but steals the movie and is a hoot as she bickers with poor Norwood across three state lines. (“My name’s not Laverne, it’s Yvonne! But I want you callin’ me nothing!”) When Norwood discovers from Yvonne that the cars are hot (“they are about to burst into flames”) he abandons them and her in Illinois–sigh, the last we see of Lynley’s amusing character. Clad in a low-cut mini-dress and using a very believable Southern accent, Lynley is the film’s standout as she puts down the “country son-of-a-bitch” the entire time. Alas, producers in the 70s never tapped into Lynley’s comedic talent and she was rarely cast again in anything humorous.

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Another recent DVD release that I have looked forward to for awhile is the second half of the third season of the 60s TV series Lost in Space. To compete against the campiness of Batman, which it was on up against, Lost in Space went mod in season 3 with colorful costumes, Marta Kristen as Judy and Angela Cartwright as Penny clad in mini-dresses and coiffured 60s hairstyles, and less episodes focusing only on Billy Mumy as Will and Jonathan Harris as Dr. Smith.

Most of my favorite episodes are contained here. “Target: Earth” when alien duplicates replace the Robinson family and head to Earth to destroy it; “Space Beauty” where Dr. Smith tricks Judy into entering an intergalatic beauty pageant; and the infamous “The Great Vegatable Rebellion” where Will and Judy have to save the rest of the them from a giant talking carrot.

But my all-time fav is “The Promised Planet” featuring a bunch of go-go dancing teenagers who can’t grow up who imprison the Robinson family and try to brainwash teens Will and Penny into joining their group so they can use their blood to mature. Of course, Dr. Smith tries to pass himself off as a hippie in typical Dr. Smith bungling fashion. Watching Jonathan Harris and Angela Cartwright do the “Penny Dance” every time a horn blows is worth the price of the DVD alone! This also features a hot young actor named Gil Rogers who plays Bartholomew the teen’s leader clad in tighty tights who stands out, literally and figuratively. “Danger Will Robinson! Bartholomew’s packing a lethal weapon!”

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The other DVD double-feature released by Midnite Movies this month is the camp exploitation classic The Mini-Skirt Mob (1968) paired with the biker flick Chrome and Hot Leather (1971) starring tough guy William Smith and Peter Brown of Ride the Wild Surf.

Described as “hog straddling female animals on the prowl,” The Mini-Skirts included Fantasy Femme Diane McBain as their vicious leader, Bad Seed Patty McCormack and Sandra Marshall with Jeremy Slate, Harry Dean Stanton, and Ronnie Rondell as their boyfriends.

Spurned by her former lover Ross Hagen, McBain seeks revenge against him and his new bride played by Sherry Jackson star of the beach movie Wild on the Beach. McBain enlists her fellow cyclists to make life hell for the newlyweds. Their idyllic honeymoon is turned into a wild, beer-swilling melee after The Mini-Skirts crash it. The brawl ends with a wild motorcycle chase with one of the gang memebers swerving off a cliff. Later the gang causes the death of Patty McCormack who, tiring of McBain’s sadistic ruthlessness tries to help the newlyweds escape. The film climaxes with McBain and Slate catching up with the fleeing couple. You’ll have to buy the DVD to watch the controversial ending for that time. But just to see McBain and the other actresses trying to act tough wearing mini-skirts is worth the price of the DVD alone. Real biker chicks didn’t wear skirts! What was the producer thinking!?!

“What attracted me to do this film was the role of Shayne,” says Diane McBain in Fantasy Femmes of Sixties Cinema. “I thought it would be fun to play such a sadistic killer because women don’t usually get to play these sort of roles. After I agreed to do this movie I went out and learned how to ride a motorcycle. A big motorcycle. When I arrived on the set they gave us these tiny scooters. It was the silliest bike you ever saw. I thought it was ridiculous to have this Mini-Skirt Mob on these small bikes. I knew then I was in trouble!”

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Some great new DVDs were released last month by MGM as part of their Midnite Movie series. I recommend you immediately rush out and buy them!

The first double bill is Fireball 500/Thunder Alley. Fireball 500 (1966) stars Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello in their last film together until they re-teamed for Back to the Beach in the 80s. The sand and surf are no where to be found as Frankie and Fabian play rival stock car racers on the track and off as both pursue the buxom Annette. This film is the last to feature most of the Beach Party gang including Harvey Lembeck, Ed Garner, Salli Sachse, Mary Hughes, Patti Chandler, and Sue Hamilton. Dark-haired Julie Parrish went blonde to play a vixen who uses the pre-occupied boys to run moonshine for her without their knowing.

Remarking why the hair color change, Julie said in Fantasty Femmes, “I was a blonde because Annette Funicello did not want to work with another brunette. Maybe she thought the picture would look better with two contrasting women, I don’t know. But they told us that at the last minute. They tried to bleach my hair but the hairdresser said, ‘It’s not going to work because her hair is going to fall out of her head.’ They then dyed it red. So I reported to the set the next day and they went crazy—‘No! No! No! We said make it blonde!’ So they had to get a wig at the last minute—not a great wig. I hated how I looked in this film.”

In Thunder Alley (1967) Fabian and Annette are re-united in another fun stock car racing drama, which featured sexy Fantasy Femme Salli Sachse on the movie’s poster art. Diane McBain is the bad girl in this one playing Fabian‘s ex who uses his rival (pudgy and totally miscast Warren Berlinger ) to get back at him. When asked to recall anything about making this movie Fantasy Femme Diane McBain laughed and quipped, “I don’t remember much because most of my off screen time was spent watching them film In the Heat of the Night with Sidney Poitier being filmed next door.”